Christian Unity Ministries

Trusting God's People...Again

Introduction

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Matthew 11:28-29

“He comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

II Corinthians 1:4

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about being safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

Chronicles of Narnia , by C.S. Lewis

I know something of your story. The names and places are different, and even the specific issues may change from one story to the next, but I know the emotions, the feelings of betrayal involved with being wounded by Christians. In my work with conflicted congregations, I have sat with thousands of you. I have seen your tears, I have listened to your stories of betrayal, and I have felt your pain. The bad news is that I do not have answers to all your questions. The good news is, I know Who does; and I know there is a pathway toward healing.

Is it safe?

Is it safe? The journey toward healing, that is—is it a safe journey? Dare you expose yourself to God's Word and to God's people again? After all, it was God's people who put you here in the first place. There are supposed to be some safe havens--some places where, when the storms of life well up around you and begin to beat you down, you can go to rest. There should be those places where you are known, loved and accepted, despite your ugliness and faults. You should have somewhere to go where you don't have to pretend to be someone you are not and where you will be received for who you really are. There should be a place where you can trust people and confide in them without fear of being hurt. And when you find that place, it should stay safe and secure for you always. The church should be one of those places. You should be able to trust God's people. At least that is the way it should be.

But it's not, is it? The truth is, those places don't really exist, and you have learned that the hard way. In reality, church is not all that much safer than anywhere else, and God's people can be as mean-spirited and hurtful as anyone else; maybe even more so.

When a stranger on the street or some other driver on the road says or does something to hurt you, you can get over that pain pretty quickly. After all, that person doesn't really know you; you haven't entrusted any of yourself to him. But when it is family, when it is someone you have trusted and confided in and looked up to, the injury is far deeper. It is more than just hurt feelings. It is betrayal. It shakes your very foundation, calling into question some of the last people we ever expected to hurt us. The pain is far worse, and the recovery is a much longer process.

The Nature of Pain / the Process of Healing

Like physical pain, emotional or spiritual pain can be incapacitating. When your leg is broken, no matter how much you want to walk on it, no matter how important walking might be to you, you simply cannot do it. A healing process must take place first. Similarly, emotional or spiritual pain can make it impossible to function properly without some healing process taking place first. No matter how much we want to move on, no matter how much we want to trust again, the pain simply doesn't permit it.

So, where does the healing come from? In the first place, it comes from where all other healing comes: God's Word. It comes from “The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…” (Exodus 34:6-7). The same Christ who raised the dead and who made the blind to see administers emotional and spiritual healing as well. And this same Christ knows all too well the pain of being hurt by the church. You see, it was the church who betrayed Him and had Him flogged and crucified. It was many of His closest friends and family who ran and hid, denying they even knew Him. He knows your pain, and He has the healing balm for it.

That is why the journey on which we are about to embark is necessarily a journey through God's Word. On this journey, you will examine real characters and true stories from the Bible, allowing God to speak healing into your life through them. Through God's Word, Christ will take your hand and together you will walk the path of healing.

Another element of the healing process is the recognition that you and Christ are not alone. Our church pews are filled with people who, like yourself, have been injured by God's own people. It may be a secret pain, hidden from view, but it is real and, by just about anyone's statistics, it is a pain afflicting a large portion of the church today. That is sad, but so very true. And there is healing through the prayers and support of those very people—others who know by experience something of your pain. The details of your respective stories may vary and the circumstances may be very different from one to the next, but the feelings of betrayal are shared by all who have been hurt by the church. They are a part of your healing process, and you are a part of theirs. It is the way we are wired, the way God made us. We are broken vessels called to help other broken vessels.

“…the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

II Corinthians 1:4.

Two Ways to Read this Book

Read this book all by yourself if you like. But if you do that, you will miss out on some of the healing God has for you. Reading this book all alone, you will encounter some eternal truths, but you will encounter them on your own terms, only really dealing with the ones that are convenient and which do not hurt much. Then, when you are finished, you can put the book away or give it to a friend, and you can say you tried. You probably won't feel healed. You will still feel somewhat paralyzed by your pain. But you can say you tried.

OR, you can read this book with another friend who understands something of your pain. Better yet, study it with a small group of people who know your pain because they have experienced pain just like it. Go through it with a small group of friends who are committed to administering grace and truth in equal measures, as two sides to the same coin. Study each chapter and then share openly with each other in a judgment-free environment. Speak God's truth into one another's heart. Make yourself vulnerable to the group as you delve into God's Word together. Go through this material with that kind of accountability and you will experience real healing.

Reconciliation, Recommitment, Re-engaging

For those of us who have been hurt by God's own people, the healing process which bubbles up out of scripture has at least three elements, i.e., three “phases” to it: reconciliation, recommitment, and re-engaging.

The reconciliation to which scripture calls us requires that we take a look at the relationships in our lives (both past relationships and present ones) and hold them up against the plumb line of God's Word. The whole of scripture, from Genesis to Revelation, calls us to make our relationships ones which honor God. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18. Whether you do this first or last, God will call upon you to do it. It is a necessary part of His healing process.

You will also be called to a recommitment to God. He wants to use your painful circumstances to draw you closer to Him than you have ever been before—and having drawn you closer, He wants to change you through that experience. You should come out of this healing process transformed and re-equipped for ministry anew. Whether this recommitment and transformation happens sooner or later in your healing pilgrimage, it must happen. It is necessary.

Then there will be a re-engaging in ministry and in community with other believers. It may be back at the place where you got hurt, or it may be in a completely new place, but God intends to use you to touch this world. He means for you to roll up your sleeves, take a deep breath, and enter back into relationship with His people and back into active ministry. You may think you're just not ready, or you may have all manner of fears about those prospects, but it is His plan. It is a necessary part of the healing process he has for you.

It so happens we will take the scriptural study in this order: reconciliation, recommitment and re-engaging. After all, we have to start somewhere. But the order for you may be different. The order doesn't matter. Ultimately, the only thing that matters is that the healing process God has for you be allowed to change you and make you useful to Him again.

“No, it is not safe.”

This brings us full circle, back to the original question: Is it safe? Is this healing process safe? Is this group of people safe? Is He safe?

It is a tricky question. “Safe” in what regard? If “safe” to you means being free of pain or difficult circumstances, then the answer is “No, it is not safe”. Christ's walk on this earth was not safe, and neither is ours. If we say we want to identify with Him, to grow to be like Him, then that includes the pain of His crucifixion. Even the healing process itself will come with some pain, but doesn't every healing process?

So, on this point let us be very clear. There is a healing process ordained by God, even for those of us who have been injured by God's own people; and that healing process itself will not be without pain. Indeed, it may come to us through some of the very same hands who inflicted the pain. But it is God's process, and it is the only one that brings true healing.

In the words of Mr. Beaver from C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia , “Safe? Who said anything about being safe? ‘Course He isn't safe. But he's good…”